If you wanna kill my whole self-worth, just say this!

A litte story on how something miniscule still occupies my mind rent free.

I’ve always hesitated to describe something or someone as “cringe.” To me, it feels like a vague, catch-all term people use when something makes them uncomfortable. I don’t often experience that discomfort myself—or at least, I think I don’t. During my teenage years, I noticed the word being tossed around frequently, which only reinforced my belief that its meaning was deteriorating. This, in turn, made me want to distance myself from it even more. Since I participated in hobbies often labeled as “cringe” (like enjoying anime), I never really bought into the whole “cringe culture” and continued to enjoy what I liked.
I often thought of many people and things as “weird,” but I never reached a point where I’d label them as “cringe” or feel so uncomfortable that I couldn’t communicate my feelings to the person involved. Sometimes, with certain coworkers, I felt irritated or annoyed, but I rarely felt “cringe” regarding the actions or behavior of others.
Fast forward a few years to about two years ago, when I was nearing the end of my college journey. One evening, feeling a bit lonely, I decided to reach out to some old friends. I had a wonderful classmate from college (let’s call her Alice) with whom I enjoyed talking, joking, and occasionally tutoring in various subjects. After switching colleges, we lost touch for about four years. Mustering up some courage, I called her, and to my surprise and relief, she was thrilled to hear from me. We talked for hours about our past years of study, future prospects, mutual friends, our interests, and even some aimless philosophical banter. I was glad and hoped we could continue this engaging conversation in the future.
As the night grew late, we ended the call on a positive note. I shared my contact information, and she reached out later. I suggested we meet for a walk and talk, but she politely declined, explaining that she was in a relationship. I assured her that I was only interested in a platonic connection and understood her desire to keep some distance from people of the opposite gender to prioritize her significant other. We seemed to part on good terms.
A few weeks later, I decided to call her again to share some news. Maybe it was a bit inappropriate to call someone who recently indicated they were in a relationship, but I didn’t feel she had given me any signals that I couldn’t reach out. This time, however, I was met with bad luck. When Alice picked up, she greeted me with a grumpy, “What do you want?” in the most irritated tone I had heard from her in a while. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I tried to tell her about my day, and she seemed completely uninterested. It felt like she had just woken up or was dealing with something personal, and my sudden intrusion didn’t sit well with her. I apologized for the unexpected call, and we left it at that.
I don’t remember if we communicated again after that. If we did, it might have been a brief mention of switching my messaging app, which would make me even harder to reach. I still haven’t fully transitioned away from Signal, though.
A few months later, I met up with a close friend (let’s call him Bob), who had also been in college with Alice. I was happy to hear that he had seen her recently and wanted to reminisce about the good times we had together. However, Bob then shared something I probably shouldn’t have heard: “Don’t take it personally, but Alice thinks you’re kinda cringe.”

Honestly, I could have done without that information. I might have been a bit happier without it. But I don’t blame Bob for telling me; he was just sharing what he knew. I also don’t blame Alice for her feelings. Surprisingly, though, I took it quite personally. Maybe it was because I thought we were on good terms until Bob’s revelation. Perhaps I didn’t expect her to think that about me. I also have an internalized fear of the term “cringe” being used against me, especially since it often serves to alienate me due to my interests. I felt somewhat betrayed since I had spoken well of her until Bob told me how she viewed me.
I tried to rationalize it. Maybe she misinterpreted my call as a romantic gesture due to mixed signals. Perhaps her definition of “cringe” includes behaviors I didn’t consider problematic. Maybe she simply labels anything that annoys her as “cringe.” It’s also possible I crossed a line by calling her unannounced or talking to her despite knowing she was in a relationship. Or maybe she’s just immature (and as a cynical jerk, I might say, “I think Alice is kinda immature” whenever someone mentions her).
Bob added something crucial: “She also said she’s keeping her distance from everyone at the moment.” That should have helped me realize this was more about her than me. The only thing I might feel accountable for is not giving her the space to express her feelings properly.
Despite that understanding, it still hurts to be labeled “cringe”—especially by someone I thought was a friend. I don’t want to take this too seriously; I’ve mostly forgotten it happened. But recently, I heard something about her again, and this intrusive thought resurfaced in the middle of the night, making it impossible for me to sleep.
Well, I’ll try to get some rest anyway. Good night!